Vibrant, youthful, and cute, Jason Maseko shares his definitive checklist of things he wants to do to be a better gay in 2019.
1. Watch (and finish) RuPaul’s Drag Race.
While the brainchild of legendary queen RuPaul is in its 10th year of life, I am still stuck on season 1. I’ve watched a grand total of 12 episodes, and honestly, I’ve been missing out.
2. Start drinking iced coffee.
I still don’t understand the point of a hot beverage served cold, but that’s just me…
3. Write an actual Grindr bio.
Complete with my date of birth, an outline of my core traumas, and a comprehensive list of things I need from a man, including (but not limited to): kindness, empathy, a card number, and a CCV.
4. Find a meet-cute.
Maybe it’ll be the guy at the bookstore I’ve been eyeing or a Grindr boy who uses full sentences. Anything could happen.
5. Keep said meet-cute.
6. Delete Grindr.
7. Develop an intimate understanding of what my homosexuality means to me.
After spending years with a very limited knowledge of what a man is, what queerness looks like, and what blackness can be, this year, we’re growing out of old skins and into new ones.
8. Masturbate intellectually over anyone & everyone possible.
Sounds pretentious, but what I really mean is this: stop hiding behind “I don’t know” when, really, you do. Flex the big brain your momma gave you, sis.
9. Talk to meet-cute for months until, eventually, one of us loses interest.
We could cry, or we could listen to “thank u, next” until we’re over it. I’m picking the latter.
10. Use exercise as a (healthy) coping mechanism.
Not only will I sweat instead of cry, I’ll also get this whole body snatched and in-shape. Two birds with one stone, as they say.
11. Re-download Grindr.
Once I’m back in the cesspool of limited homosexuality, I’ll add “lost messages” to my bio and let the insanity begin. Who knows? Maybe another man who spells out every word will find his way to my profile and my newly snatched ass!