Linda Robertson originally wrote this essay in 2012, three years after her son’s death, and published it on her blog in 2013.
Since then, her family’s story has spread — it was featured in the documentary, “For They Know Not What They Do” — and Robertson has become an advocate for LGBTQ inclusion in faith-based spaces. She hopes to unite parents on both sides of the issue, knowing that all parents just want what is best for their children.
Robertson is sharing her story again with TODAY given the current issues LGBTQ youth are facing, and in the hopes that her story will reach other parents who may find themselves in a similar situation.
On the night of Nov. 20, 2001, a conversation held over AOL Instant Messenger changed our lives forever. Our 12-year-old son messaged me in my office from the computer in his bedroom.
Ryan: can i tell u something
Mom: Yes I am listening
Ryan: well i don’t know how to say this really but, well……, i can’t keep lying to you about myself. I have been hiding this for too long and i sorta have to tell u now. By now u probably have an idea of what i am about to say.
Ryan: I am gay
Ryan: i can’t believe i just told you
Mom: Are you joking?
Ryan: no
Ryan: i thought you would understand because of uncle don
Mom: of course I would
Mom: but what makes you think you are?
Ryan: i know i am
Ryan: i don’t like hannah
Ryan: it’s just a cover-up
Mom: but that doesn’t make you gay…
Ryan: i know
Ryan: but u don’t understand
Ryan: i am gay
Mom: tell me more
Ryan: it’s just the way i am and it’s something i know
Ryan: u r not a lesbian and u know that. it is the same thing
Mom: what do you mean?
Ryan: i am just gay
Ryan: i am that
Mom: I love you no matter what
Ryan: i am white not black
Ryan: i know
Ryan: i am a boy not a girl
Ryan: i am attracted to boys not girls
Ryan: u know that about yourself and i know this
Mom: what about what God thinks about acting on these desires?
Ryan: i know
Mom: thank you for telling me
Ryan: and i am very confused about that right now
Mom: I love you more for being honest
Ryan: i know
Ryan: thanx
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