A relationship expert’s number one tip for dating in every decade of your life.
By Erica Garza for Hims
Aging has certain advantages when it comes to dating. You’ve got life experience and a pretty good idea of what you want and don’t want in a partner — and you’re a lot less likely to waste time on playing games.
But let’s be real: Today’s dating scene isn’t what it used to be. Between needing to learn to navigate swiping, ghosting, breadcrumbing, and more, it’s basically a whole new playbook.
So, how do you date and pursue a potentially sexual relationship confidently when the rules are always changing? Our friends at Hims asked Debra Castaldo, PhD, LCSW, MS, a relationship expert, therapist, and author of “The Return to Love Playbook,” who publicly goes by “Dr. Deb,” to share her best advice for men in their twenties and beyond.
Keep reading to get her top tip for each decade — and learn how to navigate modern dating on your own terms, no matter your current chapter of life.
Dating in Your 20s: Define Your Values
Although many equate the twenties with adventure, exploration, and impulsiveness, Dr. Castaldo encourages young men to slow down and define the values they want to live by.
While experimentation can help you figure out what you like and don’t like as you step into adulthood, there may come a time when you want more than just an empty hookup. “I have treated young men in my psychotherapy practice who have grown weary of the college hook-up scene and begin to find it unfulfilling to have different partners every week,” says Dr. Castaldo. “If you are stuck in a pattern of one-night-stands, ask yourself if this behavior is serving you and what the consequences may be not only for you, but for your partners.”
She says this decade is also an important time to adopt healthy habits towards sex. Checking in with yourself and your partner to ensure you both feel emotionally and physically safe is crucial. You should also be willing to have “courageous conversations” about consent, protection, and regular STI testing.
If you don’t feel willing to have these conversations with your partner, you may not be a good match, warns Castaldo. “Being completely transparent and willing to share intimate thoughts and feelings is the foundation of a healthy attachment, and is part of the foundation of a good relationship.”
Dating in Your 30s: Lead With Intention, But Don’t Rush
