I bought a magnificent 130 Watt Sony sound system that could extract the magic from LP’s that increasingly reflected my musical nostalgia. Courtesy of my Film Fun Fans I managed to buy this extremely expensive sound system that tried to challenge Bose and B&O unsuccessfully but at half the price.
This transformed my life and Eduard was introduced to the world of music. He never shared my musical obsession, but the sheer power of the sound system impressed him. I enjoyed demonstrating the sound superiority compared to the usual sound systems, which sounded even better with earphones. These simple moments together brough us into very close physical space and direct contact. Listening to something incredible on a shared earphone brought us cheek to cheek with no awkwardness. At such moments I became very aware of Eduard’s physical scent that was a mixture of soap, shampoo and its unique fragrance. The fragrant cocktail of Colgate Apple shampoo and just of hint of fresh sweat when our heads touched was incredibly sensual. It reminded me of the sweatier boys I did judo with since a young age, but in their strong cotton judo suits they smelled different.
One of Eduard’s most endearing qualities was that he stuttered, which made him so vulnerable to bullies. He would get angry at himself and slap himself on the back of his head to be more fluent. I would try to stop him from slapping his head by grabbing his wrists. He got angry and sometimes his emotions would be difficult to control. It was impossible not to feel compassion, and I discovered soft hearted Achilles heel. Eduard’s stuttering bothered him enormously and he got very frustrated with himself. I would usually say something like, “Relax it’s not a race, just chill and don’t rush the words”. He would look at me with his expressive puppy eyes, and I could see and feel his gratitude. At these special moments neither of us were able to say anything for a while and just let the tension drain away. Our sense of closeness and not wanting to be separated required no expression. Bonding so much with someone is rare especially as nothing is ever said but everything is felt. Since suppressing my anguish, following my father’s death, holding back so much emotional intensity over seven years bubbled up like a volcano that approached eruption fast. It just needed a trigger. These shared experiences brought us closer emotionally than we dared express as its intensity would probably be too much to control. Any change for anybody, whether changing schools or moving house, is challlenhing. Tougher than ever anticipated. Eduard demonstrated in silence how necessary this self-control was. Changing schools always affect friendships and some special friendships disappear. Eduard had a tough life so far and he would never let the ghosts out that haunted him or forget the cruelty of kids and teens who targeted him.
Neither of us were ready to release those wild horses.
The HiFi became our escape during bad weather or anything that we needed to block out of our minds. Eduard was as eager as I to explore all kinds of music and he even patiently warmed up to classical music. Like with Louis this was a shared activity to appreciate in silence. It gave both of us a feeling of being cocooned in closeness. He came from a large noisy family of six children where music could not be appreciated in silence. I came from a noisy house where music did exist. In many ways Louis made me aware of the aesthetic poverty that most people sprout from. Neither of our mothers understood us and his dad enjoyed wine too much, which sometimes made him a bully. Eduard was very afraid of him, and I wondered what impact his father had on his insecurity and stuttering. His family welcomed me into their large family of five boys and a girl in close age gaps which must have made raising them tough. The eldest son had just left to study engineering at university. We lived alone making it easier for sleepovers. Not that I managed to sleep much, as I was too aware of our proximity where intimacy was complex and something we both craved but Eduard was not ready yet.
On one of those idyllic days when we were in our enchanting garage that a beautiful young golden blonde guy arrived in a luxurious new silver Cadillac Seville. He looked like a film star when he stepped out of the car heading to the house to bring some work for Eduard’s mother. Such a magnificent car in front of the garage where so many unspoken magical moments of blissful hormonal fantasy hovered. Dennis Banks, the owner of the Cadillac, must have been aware of our fascination but probably discarded it as teenage car fascination. Rare Cadillacs were the ultimate status symbol confronting the German Triumvirate. Dennis noticed us and had another look at the two of us in our greasy overalls. We were attractive enough. We felt quite grown up even though we were still teenagers. Eduard’s mother knew about Dennis’s openly gay lifestyle with Dr Bill Grant, a radiologist who lived in a mansion in a magnificent, forested suburb. She warned us to stay away from him and his unspeakable habits. How hypocritical! This naturally intrigued us but as silently consented, such topics were not discussed. The Cadillac fascinated Eduard more anyway. I felt attracted to Dennis. Talking to him was a conundrum with Eduard’s mother watching all three of us like a hawk.
Eduard and I often simply escaped from parental scrutiny on the sandy little overgrown footpaths with our bikes and disappeared into the bushy forests. Spending quiet intimate time here where we would simply stare at the clouds and experience the special closeness and tranquility. Eduard would stop stuttering and sometimes we would doze off next to each other. I had never shared such closeness with anybody. My friendship with Louis was different where we rationalised our feelings too much. Everything was neatly kept in a box.
During a normal break at school one day the two meanest school bullies targeted Eduard while I was at the tuck shop. They pushed him around viciously until he fell over something or just tripped. Then they grabbed him and lifted him of the ground before letting him fall again. On my way back from the shop, I saw what was happening and ran to them to them where I attacked them both with pent up anger from years of emotional suppression. I lost all self-control completely and a massive adrenaline surge gave me strength I never thought I had. They went flying in different directions and one crashed with his head against a wall while the other fell over suitcases and I jumped on him and pinned him to the ground while punching him. Everything around me blanked out. All I saw was the target of all my anger and no matter how hard he tried to wriggle free, he failed. I was unaware at that moment that a circle of teens formed at a safe distance around us.
Eduard was trying to get me to stop, along with Mr. Klingelhoofer who tried to get me off the bully. I calmed down and stopped to the relief of Eduard and Mr. Klingelhoofer who was quite freaked out. For once the bleeding bullies were silent. Mr. Klingelhoofer was a small, young, blonde German teacher. All I realised was it did not bother me at all; I attacked the two most hated school bullies who tried to escape my fury. Today they faced the music and were humiliated in front of half the school. Good!
Mr. Klingelhoofer was a kind softspoken teacher and the aggression he just witnessed rattled him. Fortunately, I came to my senses and said, “I’m sorry Sir, I did not mean to upset you.” He spoke with a heavy German accent and said, “Fighting is not allowed at all, but I understand your anger, as I saw them attack your friend that you defended,” Mr. Klingelhoofer said, “I must first see if those big boys are not injured after your attack. Then I must take you immediately to the headmaster as fighting is ground for immediate expulsion.” My head was spinning and Eduard shaken and disheveled as he was, tried to comfort me, although he was close to tears. The two monsters wanted everybody to believe that they were invincible, though bleeding, and told Mr Klingelhoofer that they hardly had a scratch from my insane attack.
They required a routine medical examination which happened while I was being marched to the principal’s office. This was the first time I had ever been to his office. I only ever saw him at assembly. His brilliant oratorial skills made him fit for any career in public speaking or politics. “Well, this is a first!” Mr. Kritzinger said. A choir boy in my office for assaulting the two biggest boys in the school simultaneously. “What on earth were you thinking?” Mr Kritzinger asked me. I replied, “Sir, I really don’t know”
At this point where words had escaped my mind. Mr Klingelhoofer jumped to me defense to my surprise. “Mr. Kritzinger, I saw he was trying to stop the bullies attacking the smaller boy who they were hurting badly. I was about to try to intervene when this boy came running past me and threw the first bully against the wall, which is why his head was bleeding. Then he shoved the other bully over some suitcases which made him fall before he started punching him. Mr. Kritzinger looked at me in disbelief and said, “Miss du Plessis thinks you should be a soloist baritone and thinks you’re an angel. She obviously does not know your violent side,” Mr. Kritzinger said. “I cannot promise anything but maybe some consultations with the school guidance teacher, Mr. Spies may satisfy the parents who attend the meetings with the teachers.”
Fortunately, it all blew over. I was suddenly very popular at the school, and the bullies became quite subdued after their public humiliation. Even the teachers secretly admired my defense of a friend. Mr. Kritzinger now knew my name and regularly popped in at choir practice. Later he started joining us on our tours and usually choose a seat close to me saying, “We sing well together” and would display some sort of affection like holding my shoulder or ruffling my hair slightly. His jubilance was contagious and we loved singing silly songs together to break the ice after competitions. After our constant victories, he usually instigated his favourite silly song, “that school, that school, that Framesby School, repeatedly, while we all joined in the laughter, singing and applauding. We plagiarised this song from a popular Firestone commercial with the theme song, “Them Stones, Them Stones, Them Firestones” Mr. Kritzinger became our hero, mentor and father figure on many travels including overseas. We would have happily followed him anywhere. Mr. Spies, our guidance teacher, also travelled with us and adopted a less formal role. After our sessions he seemed to really like me and would often seek out a seat on the bus close or next to me if Mr. Kritzinger was not already sitting there. I missed Eduard and he missed me tremendously when I was away, but he was no longer bullied and stuttered much less.
This is a brief excerpt from Rubin van Niekerk’s upcoming Memoir/Autobiography, titled Mentors, Family and Friends Matter, chronicling the people, places and experiences that shaped his life from early childhood to later adulthood. We all relate to this universal experience.
New chapters will be published regularly in the Magazine section of the landing page of Gay Pages website, alongside our favourite archived articles, as the journey unfolds. Chapter 8, “The Zündapp Crash, Serious Injury and Discovering I’m Not Indestructible” follows.
