Freedom! You have not seen anything yet – by Rubin van Niekerk

The sexiest silver sports car was parked in front of the garage. Admiring the car, I noticed to my surprise that it was a Mazda RX 7. I had no idea that Mazda built anything sporty. Wow! Stuart must have at least one friend with a sexy car. “Look, don’t touch!” he said. “Hello Stuart, whose sexy car is this,” I asked. “Mine blondie, if you behave, I’ll take you for a slow cruise.” He told me it had a rotary engine which I had never heard about before, but I was immediately besotted with his car as much as my new sunny yellow cottage. My perfect Spring Day just rocketed north far beyond simply memorable and exciting in every respect.  

A sparkling blue pool welcomed me, and I anticipated diving into it immediately. My few belongings disappeared into the vast space of this humongous open-plan cottage with a bar. This bar remained unused as I could not afford to stock it and besides did not drink. I fantasised about the dramatic artistry of entertaining guests while acrobatically making cocktails like a professional top-end barman. Imagine a vodka martini cocktail, shaken, not stirred as Roger Moore liked it and I wondered what it tasted like… I did not drink! Yet… 

Moving into my new cottage was quick and easy, much to Stuart’s relief. He hated other people’s drama, though he had plenty of his own… Noticing my huge Sony sound system with horror, he reminded me that he hated loud music, especially the crap students listened to. Inquisitive as always, he wanted to know if I listened to anything culturally refined. “Kabuki”, I replied. “What the hell is that”, he said with raised eyebrows and hands on his hips. “Oh, it’s just something cultured people from the right side of the track in Japan listen to.”  

Stuart flushed slightly and said, “Show me the LP.” I showed it to him triumphantly. He was almost in checkmate! How amusing. “Please listen to it to hear the fine nuances of Japanese drama. I just call it opera.” The music started and he shouted, “Stop! You have just given me a migraine.” I grinned. “You are loopy,” Stuart exclaimed. “I simply like exploring other cultures,” I said, nose in the air. 

“O, what an epiphany, to be granted insight into your grasp of the world! Checkmate, Stuart!”  

“I need a G& T after that awful noise!” Stuart said exasperated. “I am confiscating this LP if you ever play it again.” he threatened.  

I laughed and said, “Don’t worry. As hard as I try, I don’t understand Kabuki.” Musically I think it’s awful, but I have no regrets as I am one of the few that can say they have listened to an entire performance without getting a migraine! We both burst out laughing when I said I can be pretentious if I must.  

Stuart’s maternal side was stronger than he let on, and he wanted to know where my kitchen things were. I had no oven, microwave or any other cooking equipment. “Oh, I see, you are going to live on fresh air and water,” he sarcastically remarked. I said, “I’ll make a plan as always,” “I get fed at various places I work almost daily and live mainly on fruit. Besides fruit is healthy!”  

“But not enough, dummkopf,” Stuart admonished. You are not firing on all cylinders,” he bitched.  

“I love Gloria Gaynor, remember. Remember the lyrics of “I Will survive,” as that’s me and I don’t lie down and die. I’m okay, I’ve survived so far, so just relax, Stuart, but I’m dying to dive into the pool.”  

“Go ahead. The pool is pretty much yours, as I don’t swim,” Stuart said. Well then, I’m going to cool off first if you don’t mind.”  

“Make yourself at home and welcome home,” he said.  

“Thanks, I’ll go back to my sunny cage if your friends rock up, Stuart. I guess some are coming otherwise you would not be showing off your little dream machine next to my ugly duckling.”  

“You’re not as dumb as you look, Rubin, as a matter of fact they should show up soon for afternoon sundowners.”  

After I dived into the pool and got out, he said, “Mmm, you’re not a skeleton after all. I grinned and said thank you, I’ll vanish.”  

“No don’t, they’re all gay and inquisitive about my new tenant, so just enjoy the pool.”  

Stuart’s friends turned out to be far less snobbish than he let on and soon I no longer had to vanish nor heard as his friends enjoyed having me around. Especially in the pool. I guess they all wanted “eye candy” and were surprised it could talk!  

They were intellectually stimulating, mostly Stuart’s colleagues, and satire and repartee were not wasted on them. Unfortunately, I was quite busy with part time work so was not around much anyway. Maybe the ideal tenant being busy and quiet? I managed to get a job working in the psychiatric ward of a hospital during my vacations which complemented my psychology studies enormously. Stuart spoilt me with some delicious dinners which I really appreciated and needed. He was very caring, which I found touching. Like me he lived in too much isolation, and we consoled each other without realising it. 

We laughed a lot and unnoticeably slowly, the barriers of age, wealth, status, education and everything that separated us disappeared. Stuart took himself ever so seriously and frequently failed to see the humour of being bitten in the bum from time to time. Being so funny my laughter was contagious, and he would soon be laughing along. Having such a gifted friend and mentor was an unexpected gift from the gods and it changed the way both of us saw life. He taught me the merit of letting my inhibitions go and allowing my wild side to take control. Both of us also needed to fume and ventilate sometimes and be each other’s symbiotic soundboards. After my own suppressed emotional pain of silence, it was great to speak so freely without fear. Most of the time I just listened quietly. Trust had been earned.  

A whole new world opened to me, and it felt as though I had never been anywhere else before. Living at the Garsides or in the university residence, with the odd bit of eye candy in the showers, was not worth the frustration. It felt like I was living in Buckingham palace. I even had a queen to bow to…  

Stuart was heaven-sent and I loved vanilla ice cream as much as he did. Funny how the word vanilla popped up so often in our conversations! We had wonderful walks on the beachfront promenade talking about anything from philosophical topics to his next overseas trip. He was insanely adventurous and explored the wildest places he could find wherever he went. “Otherwise, there is no point,” he sagely said. “Trust me, your wildest side is your best side. Embrace it. You’ll love it!”  

I kept an eye on his elderly parents and looked after Yah-Yah, his fat Corgi, who loved swimming in the pool. Working night shifts at the hospital, I would arrive early in the morning after work, dive into the pool, and the emotionally draining experience of the psychiatric ward would vanish. A fast, short, barefoot run to the beach wearing only my SLASA Speedo, followed by grabbing a rescue craft for an early-morning paddle, would often reward me with dolphin pod sightings. Every single experience was incredible. My Golden Age was simply about meeting my regular dolphin pod at sunrise or embracing the warm skin of a young lifesaver that I “rescued’ during practice.  

Possessing nothing provided a lightness of being that is hard to experience with the weight of wealth and responsibility. Life was simple and I no longer wanted conditional Nirvana in love, as friends with benefits injured me less after all the emotional devastation seeking love where it could not be found. Doing judo and lifesaving required the physical contact that I craved. My Thumper and Yamaha DT 125 offered two distinctly different experiences. Adrenaline and risk turned me on, and workshops with the unique smell of two stroke-oil brought back beautiful memories. 

My sexual identity evolved fast amongst the fascinating people I was surrounded with, while I continued toying with bikes, swimming and wrestling with guys. Martial arts can be sensual, especially with muscled, acrobatic guys in their physical prime. I also tried Funakoshi and Kyokushin styles of karate. But a dishy junior judo sensei, about a year older than me, with enviable blonde, floppy, straight surfer hair, swung the scales in favour of judo.  

Soon I went back to Johannesburg again to explore it a bit more adventurously. There were so many great bars and clubs to feast at. I looked forward to going to Zipps, which already had the reputation of being the wildest men-only club in the country.  

It was not uncommon for many guys to dance and gyrate topless on the dance floor which was a voyeur’s delight. Soon I was also shirtless amongst so many hot, topless dancing guys, mesmerised by the incredible laser lights and a giant rotating, spinning light machine the size of a car above the dance floor. As a young athletic shirtless guy in tight-fitting denims sporting handcuffs, I got noticed. TABULA RASA. 

The kinky crowd was curious. Was I a slave seeking a master or simply into bondage?  Some leather guys scowled at me from under their leather caps. Not my scene though. Strolling into any close-knit leather group boldly when you do not conform feels weird. Like biker gangs, they live by their code. They are territorial and countercultural.  

Challenging the status quo is their way. I understood their mindset and was intrigued by their kinky weird ways. I was no slave for sure.  

Zipps had a men-only leather section. It was miniscule compared to Mineshaft in New York, which was well supported by Tom of Finland fans. Zipps was the closest extreme kink club experience that South Africa could offer.  

 A strict leather/macho dress code was non-negotiable, and Mineshaft was well supported by celebrities like Freddie Mercury and the actual Tom of Finland. The leather scene had many agreed-upon roles. I knew nothing about the complex dress code signaling but simply wanted access to all the areas within Zipps! Slavery, bondage or S&M was not my thing, but I knew that my mixed signals would at least start a conversation.  

A big leather guy approached me, towering over me and weighing twice as much as I did. He said, “Are you a slave ready for bondage?”  

“No,” I said. “I don’t think you would enjoy my stubborn attitude and lack of discipline” I cheekily said.  

He grinned. “A spunky slave with spirit!” “Perfect for Master and Slave,” he growled closer to my ear.  

“I’m not ready for S&M yet,” I said.  

“I think you are ready for bondage” and need the right Master to teach you.”  

“Thanks,” I said but I’m still finding my way around.  

“Okay let’s shake on that before you vanish so quickly,” he said. He grabbed my hand with his enormous paw and just about crushed it. Thankfully he mercifully released my injured hand. Wrestling with him would not be wise!  

After the last bike crash, I lost some of my belief in my indestructibility. He looked at me with new respect after the handshake and said you are not such a weakling as I thought. Thankfully that restored my diminished self-confidence slightly. “Get the boy a drink barman,” The Muscle Mary commanded. He turned out to be a nicer guy than his attire suggested, and asked, “do you work out.”  

“No, I said,” “I paddle ski, row and fight my way through big waves every day,” I explained. “I like you little devil, “he said, come back for another drink on me.” Maybe we’ll find a perfect dog collar for you with spikes to send the message you may be a slave but one that bites.  

“What’s your name?” I asked. “David,” he said. “Goliath suits you better.” I replied. “I’m Rubin, in case you forget my free drink!” He burst out laughing again and said, “we have the same warped sense of humour.”  

“Remember me! I don’t forget free or discounted offers! I’ll be back when you are ready to be my slave,” I joked. 

Promises, promises, promises, I’ll be waiting to give you a good spanking. We both laughed and I thought I just overcame another fear of huge dangerous men in in a leather gang. Back in the safety of the main club, the party was wild at Zipp’s like it always is when it is men only! Inhibitions fly out the window, and your cover charge includes most drinks.  

The idea was to get us zonked out of our heads and to be easy prey for the hunters out there.