Brexit to send price of dildos and butt plugs soaring

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British sex toy manufacturers are the latest victims to fall into the gaping sphincter that is Brexit as new restrictions force stiff charges onto every purchase.

In a brutal blow to European pleasure seekers, the popular sex toy company Godemiche has announced that a charge of £25 will be slapped on the back end of every order shipped to the continent.

The company regrets that it will be forced to thrust the extra costs onto customers as the charges threaten to penetrate their profits.

“Up until now we have avoided talking about the United Kingdom leaving the European Union because nobody knows anything and we have been determined to deal with any problems that arise quickly and with little to no impact on you, our customers,” Godemiche said in a statement on Thursday (19 November).

“After a recent discussion with DHL we can no longer not discuss important changes and impacts that are planned to happen in January.”

Thanks to “extra checks and restrictions” at the border, the shipping company will now charge a cheeky delivery cost of £17 in addition to the extra “European cost” of £25. That means a small butt plug costing £14.99 will now set customers back a whopping £56.99.

“This isn’t a cost we can absorb and it’s one that will make smaller orders unnecessarily expensive,” Godemiche explained. They are now urging their European customers to dig deep and splurge before the charges come.

To soften the blow for their continental clientele and ensure their sales don’t hit rock bottom, the company says it is also probing long-term solutions.

“We have a couple of creative ideas that we’re working on but there is one idea in particular that we really need your help with,” they said. “We need your help identifying sex shops in your country, shops that you like, that you use, shops that you would love to see stocking Godemiche products.”

The plan is to spread the costs by delivering large loads to European sex shops that have been given the silicone seal of approval by Godemiche customers, ensuring easy access to their goods.

But if they can’t get behind Brexit, we’ll have to wait and see what will come to plug this new gap in the market.


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